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The Movie Pitch

Watching Beverly Hills Cop on AMC, I saw an intriguing quote: the producers told the writer of the film that they wanted a script that was a cross between Chinatown, Dirty Harry, and Shampoo. Not that Beverly Hills Cop is anything like those three films, but I got to thinking that all films are probably pitched to studios in much the same way. Just as Gene Rodenberry told NBC that Star Trek was Wagon Train in space, so do agents sell their scripts by comparing their work to that which worked before.

So, instead of giving long reviews of films I have seen, I have instead decided to used the movie pitch to tell you what a film is like. Of course, I'll still give it a star rating, but I think this is the most succinct way to sum up a film.

12 Monkeys:
Time Bandits meets Back to the Future meets the Andromeda Strain. (4)

Aliens:
Alien meets the Dirty Dozen meets Assault on Precinct 13. (4.5)

American History X:
The Nasty Girl meets Repo Man meets Natural Born Killers. (5)

Armageddon:
The Rock meets Meteor meets Dirty Dozen. (3)

Army of Darkness:
Evil Dead II meets Big Trouble in Little China meets A Connecticutt Yankee in King Arthur's Court. (3.5)

Astronaut's Wife:
Rosemary's Baby meets the Right Stuff meets the Arrival. (2.5)

Back to the Future:
Somewhere in Time meets Teen Wolf meets American Graffiti. (4.5)

Batman:
Batman! meets Beetlejuice, in film noir!

Batman Begins:
Batman meets Highlander meets the Shadow. (3)

Batman Returns:
Batman meets Cat People. (2)

Batman Forever:
Batman a la Jim Carrey! (2)

Batman & Robin:
Batman comes full circle back to Batman!, with day-glo and a little Arnie! Can't Miss! (0)

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm:
Batman Returns meets The Way We Were. (4)

Beautiful Mind:
Pi meets My Left Foot meets Patch Adams. (3)

Big Fish:
Forrest Gump meets Big Top Pee Wee meets My Dad. (4.5)

Bullet to the Head:
Deer Hunter meets the Killer meets Apocalypse Now. (4.5)

Cell:
Dreamscape meets Hellraiser meets Twin Peaks. (2.5)

Charade:
North by Northwest meets The Man Who Knew Too Much meets Roman Holiday. (3.5)

Charlie's Angels:
Barb Wire meets Fast and the Furious meets Something About Mary. (3)

Chill Factor:
Speed meets Broken Arrow. (2)

Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and Wardrobe:
Lord of the Rings meets Harry Potter. (5)

Close Encounters of the First Kind:
The Day the Earth Stood Still meets One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest meets 2001. (5)

Cold Mountain:
Gone with the Wind meets meets Without Borders meets Tombstone. (3)

Collateral Damage:
Clear and Present Danger meets Commando meets Blown Away. (2.5)

Crocodile:
Alligator meets Road Trip meets Blair Witch. (.5)

Deep Impact:
Meteor meets Music Box meets Earthquake. (3)

Double Team:
Tango and Cash meets the Prisoner meets Mission Impossible. (1)

Ed TV:
Truman Show meets It Could Happen to You. (3.5)

Enemy at the Gates:
Saving Private Ryan meets Dr. Zhivago meets Man With the Golden Gun. (3.5)

Enemy Mine:
Battle Beyond the Stars meets Lifeboat meets Outland. (2.5)

Eraser:
Commando meets Midnight Run meets Jumangi. (1.5)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind:
Memento meets When Harry Met Sally. (5)

Evi Dead:
Night of the Living Dead meets Friday the Thirteenth. (2.0)

Evil Dead II:
Evil Dead meets The Three Stooges. (2.5)

Evolution:
Ghostbusters meets Men in Black meets Pluto Nash. (1.5)

Fast and the Furious:
Point Break meets Smokey and the Bandit meets Rebel Without a Cause. (2.0)

Ghosts of Mars:
Take a little bit from every other John Carpenter movie. (1.0)

Gladiator:
Braveheart meets Spartacus meets Blood Sport. (2.0)

Hallelujah Trail:
F-Troop, with alcohol. (2.5)

Heatseeker:
Cyborg meets Kickboxer meets Kickboxer II. (.5)

Hellboy:
Ghostbusters meets X-Men meets Men In Black. (3.5)

Hidalgo:
Black Beauty meets Lawrence of Arabia meets Dances with Wolves. (3)

How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days:
Worth Winning meets Housesitter. (2)

Hulk:
Swamp Thing meets Affliction meets House of Sand and Fog. (4.0)

Jason X:
Friday the 13th meets Gene Rodenberry's Starship Andromeda. (0.5)

Jungle Book: (Animated)
Robinson Crusoe meets Lord of the Flies meets Doctor Doolittle. (4.0)

Jurassic Park:
Valley of Gwangi meets Boys from Brazil meets Day of the Animals. (4.0)

Jurassic Park II: The Lost World:
Jurassic Park meets Hatari! meets King Kong. (2.0)

Jurassic Park III:
Peter Pan meets Carnosaur. (1.5)

Kate and Leopold:
Somewhere in Time meets Splash meets Emma. (3.5)

King Kong (2005):
King Kong meets Jurassic Park, parts 1, 2, and 3 meets Project X . (4)

Man Who Shot Liberty Valance:
High Noon meets Firecreek. (3.5)

Matrix:
Dark City meets Terminator meets Mortal Kombat. (4)

Matrix Reloaded:
The Matrix, all over again, with a little more CGI. (2)

Mission to Mars:
2001 meets Robinson Crusoe on Mars meets Apollo 13. (1.5)

Moulin Rouge:
Sweet Charity meets Romeo and Juliet meets Ballroom. (5)

My Fair Lady:
Gigi meets Anna Karinina meets Pygmalion. (5)

Next of Kin:
Goodfellas meets Deliverance meets McCloud. (2)

Night of the Comet:
The Omega Man meets Valley Girls meets the Andromeda Strain. (3.5)

O Brother where Art Thou?:
The Odyssey meets Wise Blood meets Raising Arizona. (5)

Outlaw Josey Wales:
Joe Kidd meets Broken Arrow meets Father Goose. (4)

Pay It Forward:
American Beauty meets Man Without a Face meets Terms of Endearment. (3.5)

Pearl Harbor:
Pretty in Pink meets Tora Tora Tora meets Raid Over Tokyo. (1.0)

Perfect Storm:
Jaws meets Twister meets the Poseidon Adventure. (3.0)

Planet of the Apes (2000):
Planet of the Apes meets The Island of Dr. Moreau meets Wing Commander. (1.5)

Post Impact:
Day After Tomorrow meets Damnation Alley meets Under Siege II. (.5)

Predator:
Alien meets The Dirty Dozen meets Rambo: First Blood Part II. (3.5)

Prison of the Dead:
Evil Dead II meets the Gate meets *yawn - sorry, lost my train of thought. (0)

Raising Arizona:
Bonnie and Clyde meets Duck Soup. (4.5)

Raptor Island:
Land of the Lost meets Carnosaur meets Navy Seals. (.5)

Resident Evil:
Night of the Living Dead meets Cube meets Ghosts of Mars. (2.0)

Romancing the Stone:
Raiders of the Lost Ark meets a Harlequin romance novel. (3.5)

Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion:
Pretty in Pink meets Hope Floats meets You Can't Buy Me Love. (2.5)

Running Man:
The Most Dangerous Game meets Escape from New York meets Death Race 2000. (2.0)

Siege:
Three Days of the Condor meets the courtroom scene of a Few Good Men. (3.0)

Serenity:
Outlaw Josey Wales meets Outland meets Star Wars. (4.5)

Serpico:
Dirty Harry meets Silkwood meets the French Connection. (2.5)

Showtime:
The Hard Way meets Bowfinger meets EdTV. (2)

Singing in the Rain:
An MGM musical...with rain! (5)

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow:
Raiders of the Lost Ark meets The Rocketeer meets Flash Gordon. (4)

Soylent Green:
Shaft meets Logan's Run. (4)

Space Cowboys:
The Right Stuff meets Murphy's Romance meets Failsafe. (2.5)

Species:
Alien meets Basic Instinct. (2.5)

Species II:
Species meets Debbie Does Dallas. (.5)

Speed:
Point Break meets Runaway Train. (4)

Spider-Man:
Superman meets Lucas. (4.5)

Star Wars:
Hidden Fortress meets Magnificent Seven meets High Noon. (4)

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back:
Star Wars, done Shakespearian. (4)

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi:
Star Wars meets Wizard of Oz

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace:
Star Wars, rewritten for eight-year-olds. Think of the merchandising! (1)

Star Wars: Attack of the Clones:
Star Wars meets Pearl Harbor (2)

Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars, done a la the Cliff Notes to Shakespeare (2)

Suspicion:
Saboteur meets Jane Eyre. (4)

The Thing:
Ice Station Zebra meets Alien meets Invasion of the Body Snatchers. (4.5)

Thomas Crown Affair:
Bonnie and Clyde meets To Catch a Thief. (4.5)

Thomas Crown Affair:
The original Thomas Crown Affair with 9 1/2 Weeks. (4.5)

Total Recall:
Robocop meets 1984 meets Manchurian Candidate. (4.5)

The Train:
Where Eagles Dare meets the General. (4.5)

Truth About Cats and Dogs:
Roxanne meets When Harry Met Sally meets Thelma and Louise. (2.5)

U-571:
Torpedo Alley meets Where Eagles Dare meets Hunt for Red October. (1.5)

Under Siege II:
Under Siege meets the Cassandra Crossing. (2)

Valley Girl:
Fast Times at Ridgemont High meets Repo Man. (1.5)

Virus:
John Carpenter's The Thing meets Saturn V on a ship (1)

What Planet Are You From:
Earth Girls Are Easy meets Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex... (2.5)

What Women Want:
When Harry met Sally meets Switched. (3.5)

West Side Story:
Romeo and Juliet meets Blackboard Jungle. (5)

Vanilla Sky:
Dark City meets Switching Doors. (2.5)

X-Men 2: X-Men United:
X-Men meets The Professional meets Firestarter. (4.0)