|
Saturday, September 27, 2008 Breathing on a Whole New Level Last night, I went to a Breathwork workshop at my church, the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Gainesville, led by Zen master Al Rapaport. I have been interested in Eastern philosophy/alternative practices for a while (Zen, yoga, chiropractic care, Reiki, etc.), but have never looked more into it for myself. Why, I'm not sure. Fear, probably -- I've found it difficult to take those first steps in my adult life, and I'm not sure how to be more comfortably adventurous. As I was going to the workshop, I was worried about getting there on time, if I was properly prepared, if I would get uncomfortably emotional, and more. I felt very self-conscious and nervous, and I'd even considered turning around and going home. I hadn't, after all, let anyone know I was planning to go (I even waited until the night before to see if Jeff cared if I went). Still, I went. There were, thankfully, others there for whom this was a "first time". After an explanation about chakras, full oxygenation, and the technique, we got started with the exercise and immediately, I started to feel a tingling sensation all over my face and head, and tears started to come. I at first wanted to stop, and get my emotions in check, as I normally do, but I let go of that self-consciousness and just let it be. Overall, it was an amazing experience, though my focus kept being drawn back to my own body -- my mouth wanted to close and I had to rest my hands on my cheeks to keep it open; my sinuses became so full I couldn't breathe through my nose even if I needed to; my right shoulder pain returned when I was trying to place my arms where my body wanted them to go; and my right sciatic started to hurt. These short brief interruptions brought me back to the moment and pulled my focus back to the present and my typical thoughts -- constant and overlapping. However, for the majority of the time, I was able to go beyond my mind chatter. There were several times when I felt strong waves of emotion, and in these times, I realized that the technique of breathing that we were using is one that my body chooses on its own when I am uncontrollably emotional, which only happens when I've consciously isolated myself -- it was odd for it to happen in a room of people completely unaware of what was going on. Although we were talked through the different chakra points in ascending order, my own experience was the opposite. I could feel the strongest sensations at first in my head/face area, which went down to my chest, and through the rest of the chakra points, in the opposite order of what was being directed. For me, the majority of the hour-long meditation was with a downward feeling of energy, though at the end, I felt energy moving upwards as well. I also had an experience of color -- two, actually -- initially, and almost immediately, of blue and about halfway through, when I felt this tingling energy in my midsection, of yellow/gold/orange. It was definitely a calming experience, and insightful as well. Processing it all is still unfolding, and I'm sure it will be a technique that I try again. Labels: Kristin, meditation, spirituality, stress ------------------------------------------------
Sunday, October 21, 2007 Update on Parker's ICU Visit Hey all -- short update. Well, Kira and I are home again for the night, but Parker is doing much better and is staying overnight again but up on the children's wing, as they wean him off of the oxygen supplementation, decrease the spacing of his nebulizers to once every 4 hours, and switch from IV steroids to oral steroids (a different kind). He is a ton better, and now we have to try to figure out what exactly happened this time, and how to be more proactive than before -- and we thought we were! So, I'm hoping this was a one time fluke and the only time he ever must be admitted into the hospital, though I totally understand it may not be. As for what caused it -- I really couldn't say, and the doctors pretty much said that they could put him on maintenance medications, but as this isn't an allergic reaction, but rather one to the virus, those maintenance medications just don't work on it. They also agreed that it is concerning that he has intermittent asthma, but when he does get sick it is so severe -- it doesn't fit a category, and I could tell they really didn't want the responsibility of figuring it out, as I don't think I'd heard our pediatrician's name mentioned at all before then, and it was mentioned at least once a sentence, sometimes more than that! Too funny!! So, I'm already resolved to purchase a stethoscope and pulse oximeter for here, and we'll see what else we can do. It seems his chest was getting tighter and tighter, but he wasn't coughing like normal, so he had a ton of congestion and then had the constriction. Luckily now he's doing tons better, and will continue to improve. His patience is wearing super thin, as he's said the TV is boring (and yet wants to buy whatever the commercials are selling), he's played one of the video games from start to finish, played cards, and has simply lost the joy in an adjustable bed. It is sooooo boring when you have to be in bed with only the "electronic interaction substitutes" around you!! Shoot, even WE bored him! LOL I am hope-hope-hoping that tomorrow morning he'll be released. On the PICU, they pretty much didn't tell us anything in terms of what they wanted to see, and how it would all progress, but up on the standard floor (what do they call those?), they seem to be more wanting to get him discharged (hallelujah!!). It is an odd feeling to have what we've been able to handle pretty much out-patient (with occasional visits for oral steroids) turn into something MUCH different. So very scary, and yet all the other patients in the PICU seemed to really be doing tons, tons worse, including one little girl that they essentially said they can do nothing more for. She is less than 2 years old. And yet, it could have BEEN Parker (I just can't grasp that right now). ------------------------------------------------
Now the ICU Parker has spent today in the pediatric ICU. We are hoping to bring him home tomorrow, but it may be Monday. ------------------------------------------------
Friday, October 19, 2007 Here we go again .... Here we are, yet again, in the middle of an "asthma" attack for Parker. He doesn't fit any of the molds, as he only ever gets attacks when sick, so it is rather intermittent. However, the only intermittent that is recognized is "mild", and Parker's "attacks" aren't mild. :( He was sick for a few days and then, WHAM!!! In the course of 3 hours, he goes from normal to wheezing and about to vomit (all due to an increase in coughing). So, we'd been doing albuterol breathing treatments since he got sick 2-3 days ago, every 4 hours, to see if we could stave off this part of it. All looked great! He even got through his normal "feel very nauseous/no eat" day, which normally coincides with an attack. That was yesterday. Started eating again last night, and ate today. Treatments at 8 am, 12pm, 4pm, then he starts running around and playing, and I try to get him to be a little more sedate in his play (poor guy!!). He does a little, but is still coughing. A little coughing leads to a little more coughing (these are non-productive coughs), and at 7 pm, I give him his next treatment a little early, just to get him to stop coughing!! It worked, temporarily, and he's tired, so I coerce :rolleyes him to take some Motrin (to lower his temp, which was elevated a little from the coughing, and can exacerbate the inflammation process, supposedly), and at 8 pm Jeff gets home and we decide to give him a cough suppressant for the first time ever (it says it won't work at all on asthma coughs, so we figure no harm, no foul). I gave him another breathing treatment at 9:30, because of wheezing in his sleep, and it immediately got better. But, now we are here at 11pm, and it seems to be getting worse again. WHAT GIVES!!! And, of course it is a Friday night, which means the ER if this progresses. This just totally sucks, and I want to cry and have it magically made better, but I can't, and he's miserable, and there is nothing to do!! Our pediatrician doesn't recommend daily meds (and we agree with that), as he doesn't have constant asthma at any level, and yet when these attacks come, they scare me to death. I'm tired, but I can't sleep!! ------------------------------------------------
Friday, January 19, 2007 I'm just so .... tired. I hate not having any time for myself anymore. I have totally over-extended myself, and I can't see how to slow everything down! I essentially am working full-time, but my own hours, which means whenever I can find the time. I have my kids to care for as well. And Parker has classes two days per week for several hours. And we're members of 6 or 7 social groups (I've honestly lost track) which often have overlapping events that I feel we need to get to. I'm sure you are thinking, "Oh, woe is Kristin", and that the simple solution would be to cut some of the groups/activities, but how do I choose? I have friends in these that I really don't see maintaining the relationship outside of, since that's when I get to see them. And some of the groups kind of are interconnected, so if I dropped one, it would be odd to drop another. And I'm a leader in two of them, though I just passed on leadership of another (whew!). And, I don't want to hurt feelings or feel like I'm "dissing" my friends. I'm trying to cut back on the work, and we're upping our rates to that end, and taking on fewer projects. But last year, we made as much with our business as Jeff's work salary! (Now, he makes okay money, but it isn't spectacular, so it isn't like an option would be to quit his job with its enormous benefits and just do our business). I've considered cutting Parker's classes, but he enjoys them, and it is time that is set aside where I cannot do anything else or think about anything else, which is really a good thing. Besides, where else is he going to learn tap and ballet, and have the opportunities that the art classes or science classes or even Spanish have, where I can actually be involved too, or observe if I choose? But I know it is out of control, too, since there are days that I'm trying to figure out how to get to several events, bring food, and arrange for time where Kira can nap if she needs to (she's intermittent in her desire to completely forego napping). Part of it is that even when I tell Jeff that I'm getting burned out, he can't even offer suggestions or give his opinions, because he's probably feeling similarly, between his job, our business and the kids. Labels: community, homeschooling, Kristin, simplicity, sleep, stress ------------------------------------------------
Thursday, October 12, 2006 "It's A Done Deal" Jeff's job is being cut. Supposedly they are laterally moving him, but everything is being done and said behind his back, and so we haven't been told anything first hand. I'm angry, resentful, and a little scared. I think the Dean of this college needs to be let go, since he led them into a multi-million dollar debt. And the fact that he's not even being up-front is just infuriating. He's a "nice guy", but is apparently incompetent. So, the highest probability is that Jeff will be moved from the entire college level to a departmental level ... doesn't make ANY sense!! And, because of how the college works, I believe that by being moved, he will be undergoing a new "probationary period" where he is ineligible to apply for any other university-wide position. Including the University webmaster position that may be becoming available in the near future. Stupid, sucks, etc. Labels: Jeff, stress, university ------------------------------------------------
Friday, August 11, 2006 No AC in Florida in the Summer We lost our AC for 5 days a little while back and ended up getting a window unit and everyone just camped out in the Living Room. It was horrible. Apparently our house was struck by lightning, and our AC caught fire (which is how we knew something was wrong -- we smelled the electrical fire!!). No AC sucks, and the cost of fixing these things is even worse. I will say that it was economical to get the window unit instead of staying in a hotel, though I think the hotel would have been more fun. Labels: Florida heat, stress ------------------------------------------------
Sunday, June 06, 2004 Staying Out of the Hospital? A post to a homebirth after caesarian group: I am about 6 weeks pregnant with my second baby. My first section was for several bad reasons, and I was coerced into scheduling. So, I never went into labor, and truly feel like I've missed something very sacred and special. If I were to trust the medical profession, it isn't that big of a deal and my healthy baby is the only goal I should worry about, and I should, for this second child, go ahead and choose his/her birthdate. Well, it just is wrong to me, and I desperately want to avoid the entire hospital situation. Right now, though, I have only been able to find one midwife who can/will do VBACs in town, and she works with an OB and in a hospital. I am not at all ready, nor is DH, to even consider a UBAC, so I'm not quite sure what to do. I have a few leads I need to follow up with this coming week, at least. Labels: caesarian, Kristin, parenting; pregnancy, stress, VBAC ------------------------------------------------
|