Thursday, January 30, 2003
Parker is feeling much better and my sickness seems to have passed, for the most part, as a very light wave hitting instead of the heavy barrage that hit my son. I feel just awfully for him, and I keep thinking to myself, "What did I do wrong? Why does he have to go through all of this?" I know in my head that I did absolutely everything I could to help him avoid allergies, asthma, and any number of illnesses and maladies. I delayed solids, breastfed for at least a year, made sure he wasn't exposed to serious allergens (like cigarettes), kept him out of daycare so that he wouldn't be exposed to tons of germs his first year, still let him be exposed to some allergens (thanks cats and dust;)), etc. And yet he still now has asthma. And yes, I know many of my mom-friends have said to me, "Just think of how much worse it might have been if you hadn't .....". But there are times when I'm having to hold Parker down and shove steroids down his throat that I still feel like I've failed in some way. I'm sure it will pass. But it still makes me sad.
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