Sunday, March 02, 2003
Me Against Society
I can't help it right now - I am feeling mightily depressed. Just logged back on to Elance, and saw that several projects that I thought I had a good shot of winning went to several other providers, Including one project at the minimum level that I had already provided mockups and had been conversing steadily with the customer for about a week. I keep looking at these other peoples' profiles and portfolios, and am at a loss to see why they are selected over me. Sure, some of them have been in the graphic design business longer than I, or have appropriate degrees, but I see nothing in their portfolios that indicates their work is superior to my own. Yet they get all the work. One gentleman started at the same time as I did in Elance, but he purchased the far more expensive Select provider. He has never had more than ten samples of work in his portfolio, yet he now has made 12,000 on Elance in the last six months alone. At this point, I don't know how I would compete against him - He has 32 reviews as opposed to my 3 (my clients never will post feedback - even when prompted). It's frustrating in the extreme, as I watch our bank accounts dwindle to nothing, and knowing I can't compete in the market, and I can't fathom why.
My subscription to Elance ends next month, as I've mentioned before. I've been thinking of renewing - if anything, the bid restrictions will make other providers drop and might lead to more work coming down the pike. Mybe. It's a risk I'm going to have to carefully way, as somehow I'll have to come up with the renewal fee.
Parker, meanwhile, has had a horrendous time over the weekend with a stomach virus. He's been vomiting every twoto four hours, though shows no sign of dehydration. Today he's acting a lot perkier than the rest of the weekend... Yesterday he slept through the entire day, virtually, takin time only to feed and then throw up. Hopefully the worst of that is behind us.
I've also been peeved at the talk show host Michel Savage, syndicated on our local radio station. In the past, I have been offended by his boisterousstance of closing our borders and perserving American culture - goals that are legitimate, but that Mr. Savage tends to defend or argue from an attitude that screams racism and anger. Over the weekend, he suggested that perhaps it was the image that Mr. Rogers portrayed to the world that led to aggression towards America, and insinuated that the 9/11 hijackers were emboldened by their cause because Mr. Rogers gives the impressions that Americans are weak and pacifistic. What Mr. Savage is neglecting is that Mr. Rogers is but one voice that children hear. When I was a kid, I recognized Mr. Rogers advice on treating everyone with kindness and respect. This message squeezed itself in between the A-Team knocking criminals down with water cannons when they attacked weaker people, the Equalizer doing the same with more lethal results, G.I. Joe mopping the floor with Cobra terrorists, etc. Mr. Rogers was voice of nonaggression in a childhood full of opposite messages of might makes right, and the good guys always take the fight to the bad guys and win. They were all role models to me, and they each taught me something about how to act as an adult. I'm not sure any one person serves as the ultimate role model to a child and dictates how they live their life.
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