Friday, October 03, 2003
I'm feeling overwhelmed by things lately. Jeff doesn't seem to ever be able to catch up on sleep, or his freelance work, and I am unable to help him the way I want to. Parker has virtually refused for me to be at the computer ever. As you can see, it is 1:30 am, and luckily he is asleep.
Speaking of him sleeping, he's been sleeping through the night ... of course he's sleeping with Daddy and Mama is nowhere around, and it seems that's the trick. He needs to have someone with him, but if it is me, he wants to nurse through the night, and neither of us sleeps well. I miss cuddling with him, but I've really been enjoying my sleep.
Our Honda essentially died today. Transmission failed. $1500 minimum. Sucks.
I have been recently completely disheartened by a mom I know. I am saddened to no end for her child, and my heart just aches. It is affecting my ability to even interact with other moms and be accepting of different parenting. The worst part is that I've seen this poor child do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong, and still get yelled at, belittled, and I know I am watching his self-esteem and self-worth decrease. And yet, I do nothing. My silence actually goes to support it, I'm sure. And yet, I am too selfish to remove myself from the situation. I need to be able to sit around and chat while the kiddos play. I just may have to do it elsewhere. I don't know. I know that to each his/her own, and that there are many different ways to get from point A to point B. Intellectually, I know it. My heart still aches.
I've also realized that I've stretched myself too thin to be able to give the devotion to Parker that he deserves. So, I really, truly am going to make an effort to reduce and in some cases eliminate my online time. It has been a while in coming, but I need to make the leap. I do feel somewhat bad, as I have invested much time and emotion and developed some pretty strong friendships, but I can only hope they will last in this new way, too. I just don't have the time to catch up like I did before.
I have so much more that I know I want to say, and I'm still not getting it down here. I need to start journalling again or something. I always feel like I've forgotten something important!
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